Kindergarten Blues

It's no secret that I am disappointed with my children's kindergarten teacher. She's new and she's not the teacher I requested. (I've decided to write about this because I just really need to get it off my chest once and for all.)

At the beginning of the year Payton and Alyssa would report on how many times she yelled at their class each day. It concerned me. I listened to all they had to say about school, overall, they liked their teacher.  However, it made me sad that Alyssa would take it upon herself to draw smiley faces and put them in the parent/teacher communication folder, to "remind my teacher to be happy."

At first, the teacher didn't want any help in her classroom, she wanted to establish rules and routines on her own. I heard from others at the school that she ruled her students with an iron thumb. Again, I was not impressed.

The class often has substitutes so that she can continue her teacher education. About halfway through the year the principal subbed and decided a pencil or two needed to be taken and broken to maintain order in the classroom. Alyssa told me all about it because it bothered her. "Thankfully, she's only a sub," I thought. Then, I heard that pencils were now being broken by their teacher.

February was a rough month for my kids, especially for Alyssa.

One day, Alyssa told me some of her friends' pencils got broken. For the first time, she told me her teacher was mean. Being the sensitive and compassionate girl she is, this was eating at her. The next day she was very upset when I picked her up from school. Her teacher had broken her pencil. An image entered my mind of the teacher pulling Alyssa's pencil out of her little fingers, snapping it in half and tossing it into the garbage while the entire class watched. That is too harsh for my kindergarten baby. I considered this the entire evening.

Now, I get that it's just a pencil. I get that those are cheep. But, who's paying for them? Not the teacher. Parents aren't buying pencils so the school can punish their children with those. I don't break my children's belongings at home and I don't want their teacher breaking their belongings at school. I am trying to teach my children to take care of their stuff. Don't teachers learn appropriate disciplinary techniques in school? Don't they learn that they don't have to be mean to 5-year-old students to get them to do what they want? If I find myself getting so upset over something that it effects my kids negatively, then I know I have to find a new approach. What she's doing is just plain mean.

I have had it with that teacher! I want to keep my babies home with me. I want to put them with a different teacher. But, neither of those are choices for me.

The next morning I put the kids on the bus, even though, understandably, Alyssa does not want to return to school. I then go about my morning duties and discovered a broken pencil on the living room floor and then another on on the laundry room floor. Only Payton would go that far. He was acting out. It must bother him too to have watched his twin's pencil get snapped. I wanted to hug him close to me and protect him too. Classroom discipline should not cause problems at home.

I put my concern up on Facebook and found that this teacher's actions effected other mothers similarly. It was good to have my feelings validated and I intended to talk to the teacher the following Monday. But, by Monday, I had chickened out and decided not to act on it. I felt like such a wimp.

A few days later, Alyssa tells me that some kids at school told her and Payton that they were going to hurt them real bad when they got out outside. Further questioning revealed it was the three girls that she usually plays with --- her FRIENDS! She didn't seem to know why they said that. My babies are in KINDERGARTEN! Why can't they just have a good, fun year? But the more I thought about it, it occurred to me that it most likely had to do with the "Bullying" play they had gone to see and the girls were probably acting out from that. But, still, why doesn't the teacher say anything to me? I'm their MOM! (Which reminds me that no one ever bothered to inform me when Payton fell from the top of the big slide at the beginning of the school year. Do they think mom's aren't interested in their child. I know I am!)

Anyway, it occurred to me that over the previous couple weeks, Alyssa had told me about a few occasions that her friends (the same three girls) were also being mean to some of the other kids in her class. After asking more questions I learned that she had told them that so-and-so were her friends and not to be mean to them. I wondered if this is why they turned on her that day.

Back at home, I was asked to create a bunch of posters for a ward dinner/activity night. I went out to the garage to find some poster board I had bought awhile ago and discovered an old, fat, big black crayon, which actually made me happy because this would come in handy to outline the images. I brought it in and placed it on a cluttered counter top, hoping my kids would not discover the new crayon. Unfortunately, I later discovered it again all over a child-size chair and bedside table in my daughter's room. I was angry with her and myself. I reminded her for the 100th time that, "Crayons belong at the kitchen table, on paper!" I told her, "It all needed cleaned up!" Then, I went too far with a selfish demand, "Do not touch MY crayons!" (blushing now) Alyssa put it back on the counter all right, after she broke it in half. Hmmmm... I didn't have to wonder who she learned that from.

Last week, I went to help in my children's classroom. Alyssa had a pencil grip that she bragged about to her classmates at her table. I thought it was cute that she was so excited about it. The next day I picked up, this now very whiny, girl from school. I asked her what happened and lots of other questions to piece together the whole story. I learned that she had earned enough points to choose that pencil grip from her teacher's treasure box. This day, she had put it on her finger. Her teacher exclaimed, "That is not a finger toy," took it from her and threw it away. So --- the students earn points for treasures, but then the teacher can toss it if it bothers her? That's just lame! As far as I can tell, Alyssa was totally playing with --- discovering --- a pencil grip at a kindergarten level.

Last week, Alyssa came home with a note from one of her friends. It was an apology from one of the girls that threatened her. It was good to know that the threat had not gone completely ignored.

Last Friday was parent teacher conference. The poor teacher totally open the door when she asked me first thing, "Do you have any concerns about your kids at all?" I was not intending to say anything --- but I did. I said, "I'm not really sure about the breaking the pencil thing because I'm not in the classroom all the time, but, when Alyssa got hers broken it really upset her. I noticed it bothered Payton too because I found broken pencils at home." Her response, "This shocks the kids." Uh, ya?! (I've decided over the past five years that shocking young children isn't necessary!) Me, "It seems to me that it teaches kids that it's okay to break other people's things." Her, "Some kids need to be shocked. It's very effective at getting their attention." Ya, effective in proving that you're bigger. What's it gunna take to shock them later in life? Anyway, I felt she wasn't hearing my concern and I could feel myself getting ready to take her on so I slowed down and tried to word my retort as nicely as I could. "Breaking their pencils seems to show disrespect. It kind of comes off as bullying." I just called her a bully! Ya, I didn't word it as nicely as I would have liked. Her, "I will make sure Payton's and Alyssa's pencils don't get broken in the future." Me, "Thank you." So, I didn't win it for all the kids, but at least mine will be spared. I hope she'll reconsider her technique, but, I'm pretty sure she won't get past the part where I called her a disrespectful bully.

I quickly informed her that my children were reading really well and that Alyssa's reading seems to have just taken off. I thanked her for that. I was careful to continued the compliments because I really didn't want her to feel bad. I continued to remind myself that she's not a terrible teacher, it's her first year, she doesn't have any children of her own, and, I don't have a classroom of my own.

Today, I reported this to a good friend. She listened. But she did not not agree with my assessment that the teacher is good at teaching reading and writing. Her response, "Any teacher that belittles and shames her students to keep control of her classroom does not belong in there." Very well stated! And she's right! I agree with every word. I can use those words myself! And I took those to heart, "Any parent that belittles and shames her child to keep control of them should not be parenting that child." I contemplated my own mistakes as a parent and wished I could do-over the past five years with her words in the back of my mind. But, I will just have to adjust now to comply with the words of my new parenting rule.

I thanked my Heavenly Father for allowing me a glimpse into the heart of this wise mother and pray that I can become a better mom because of it --- I have so much to learn and so much to protect.