Our Adoption Story - Part 4 - Comfort

Part 1 - Infertility
Part 2 - Waiting
Part 3 - A New Goal



July 2004

Now that we are moved and settled into a bedroom at the end of my in-laws doublewide, Eli and I learn that we have to have our recently updated adoption paperwork, updated again. Our case-worker, Mike, was in the ward we just moved from. His wife, Jenny, and I were visiting teaching companions. Eli and I tried our best not to bring up adoption during personal time, but, they both knew we are anxious about it happening. Mike comes over to do the home-study of my in-laws' home. Boy do I feel awkward opening up all their closets for him to inspect, especially ones I've never peeked into myself, one of which is their bedroom closet.

After the home inspection, Eli, Mike and I stand in Mom's kitchen talking about other related topics. One question I had read to ask adoption agencies was how often they "placed." I decide to ask. Between their office and Albuquerque's, they have placed 13 times in the last year and a half. Mike continues talking about their success, but, I'm not listening. "13 times is it! There are so many more couples then that hoping to adopt," I lament behind a calm face. Your time will be soon, I hear me tell myself. Why would I tell myself that? WHY WOULD I LIE TO MYSELF? I demand angrily but silently. That's when a dam of tears breaks. It's embarrassing, but, try as I might, I can't stop 'em. Now, Mike is trying to give words of comfort, I think, because I still can't hear him.

That evening, I wonder again why I would tell myself, "Your time will be soon." I begin to consider that it was not me, that perhaps, I had heard the Still Small Voice. This acknowledgement feels right and an unmistakable peace fills me deep down inside everywhere. I keep these thoughts inside as I allow myself to now take comfort from those words.

Because we are now living with Eli's parents, they are busy doing stuff for a possible adoption, too. Stuff like having their fingerprints done and having background checks performed. Eli's dad buys a big fancy gun safe and I feel immensely guilty about that expense, considering we will move out before it becomes a necessity.

I didn't think about it at the time, but my my in-laws did everything they needed to so that we wouldn't miss out on an adoption opportunity. They rearranged their lives for us. They put up with my extreme emotions. They invested themselves in our greatest desire. And Eli's mom prepared breakfast for us every morning.

As the semester ends and I show Eli my awesome grades, he realizes that I took 10 hours and tells me that the school wasn't suppose to let me take that many hours in the summer. Summer classes go twice as fast and so it was like I had taken 20 hours! Oh! and I had meant to take it easy that semester! Wahoo! I aced 2 out of 3 class. (At least I passed the horrible technical writing class anyway!)


Part 5 - Chosen